Day 33

I knew from the beginning that it was going to take me a while to get used to my new look, but I think I really underestimated how long 'a while' was going to be. I adore all of the sweet comments I have been receiving, and I know that they are truly coming from an honest place in everyone (at least I hope!). I am not worried that people are telling me I look great when I really look terrible, I am just struggling to get used to the new face. It's not that I miss the old jaw line, that is far from the case, I just miss the ability to REALLY recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I know I am still the same person, and I see ME in my eyes, but I am so far from used to my new jaw/chin, and it's starting to feel like time is really dragging, and mentally, there is not much progress being made. I know that everyone is telling me I look great, but when I don't actually FEEL like I look great, it's difficult. I don't look in the mirror and think 'I hate the way I look', nor do I think I look bad at all, it's more just like 'I wish I could hurry up and recognize this face as mine'. Although I certainly had cosmetic flaws pre-op that I hated, there were times, especially when I would get all dolled up, that I really felt pretty! You know those days, when you feel like you really do look good? I miss those days! I don't want any of this to come off as I feel like I look ugly and I hate my look, it's more just I want to wiggle around and dance at the bars and drink with my friends and feel good about myself while doing it! Hahaha. Anyway, this journey is the biggest test of patience I have ever encountered. I KNOW there is an end to this journey and I will continue working towards it, no matter how long it takes :)

Another 6 am picture... I was exhausted and rushing off to work.


  • Linda | June 25, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    I know what you are saying. Remember, the physical change in your appearance does not change who you really are on the inside. It will help when you get your stent out, are totally free of pain and swelling, and can resume the life you know. Be as patient as you can. Its amazing seeing your transformation. You are an inspiration and your blog has really comforted me and my own insecurities :) BTW, I got my hair cut and colored today and I can't tell you how much better I feel.

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